Date Night?
by Awriterinmanyfandoms
Summary: A usual night at Bob's Burger's takes an interesting turn with an awkward question.


What started out as a usual Saturday evening for Bob ended in pure confusion.

It had been so simple; working by the grill, hiding the chalk from Louise, dealing with Linda's usual thespian outbursts, and chatting with Mort.

Honestly, talking with Mort was a Godsend. When Teddy wasn't around, Bob could always rely on the mortician's odd sense of humor, but genuine kindness. And today was one of those days when Teddy wasn't around; according to the grapevine (or really, Teddy's several phone calls) he was down with the flu and saying his goodbyes...Bob swore Teddy and Linda were kindred spirits in dramatics, but he wished him well and sent him a burger on the house. Thankfully, Mort's day had ended early, so the two could talk for more than usual; it was especially better since this evening's business was incredibly slow. And by incredibly slow, it meant no one.

Still, it made talking much more relaxed for the both of them.

"So then I tell her," Mort continues his story, watching out for the kids running about the restaurant, "I guess he's with the grim weeper now!"

Rubbing his temple, Bob both groans and laughs at the pun. "Mort, are you telling me that you made a joke to a crying lady after her husband died?"

With a shrug Mort replies "Not crying, weeping! Y'know, for the grim weeper joke?"

"The only thing weeping about is your sense of humor Mort!" Louise calls out from under one of the tables behind them, followed by an "Oh snap!" from Gene and a small laugh from Tina.

"Kids," Bob warns, "go help your mother, she needs some help downstairs." As the three run off, he turns his attention back to his friend. "Sorry Mort, go ahead."

Mort shakes his head and eats a few fries, "No, no, that was it."

The two sit in silence for a bit, Bob cleaning the countertop and Mort finishing up his meal. The clock ticks silently and from downstairs Bob swears he can hear Linda chasing the kids...he doesn't even want to know. Or does he? Oh God what if-

"So...Bob."

Mort's voice shakes him out of his thoughts and Bob raises and eyebrow. "What is it?" He sees Mort fiddle with one undercooked fry and at first, worries that he's going to get critiqued.

"I saw this new restaurant open up a town over," Mort starts, eyes down as if he's still studying the food, "it's this 50's diner and I was wondering if you wanted to check it out."

Bob looks confused and leans back on the wall, arms crossing defensively. "Mort, are you asking me, a burger cook, to go eat at a restaurant that most likely serves burgers?"

Immediately, Mort's hands go up, dropping the fry on the plate with a rather disgusting 'plop', and quickly replies "No, no! Not like that! I meant that if you wanted, we could go check it out and you could, y'know, critique it...or something..."

The odd tone in Mort's voice makes Bob suspicious. The mortician was never one to be so awkward around him...in fact, Mort was always incredibly blunt! Being vague was never his strongest aspect. Still, Bob is patient. "I guess we could, I just don't get why-"

"Fantastic!" Mort interrupts, a gleeful smile crossing his face, "I could easily pencil you in for next Friday, it's a bit far so I can drive you there but you don't need to pay for gas money, it'll be all on me!" Seeing Bob's suddenly surprised face, Mort shrinks back to his seat, unaware that he had jumped off of it and clears his throat. "Of course, if you're free."

It suddenly makes sense to Bob and he leans forward, making sure he has his friend's attention. "Mort, are you asking me out...?"

Mort shrinks even more, and takes his glasses off to clean them. "Of course not," he mumbles, "it's just a guy's night! Besides, you and Lin are married."

Bob nods, he's right, but the truth would be nice. "Mort, if it's a date, you can just tell me. I'm not going to judge." And he's being honest. Bob was never one to agree to labels, hell, he wasn't even sure what he was. But he did know that his family and friends mattered more than anything, even more than the restaurant! Though not by too much. He crosses his arms and waits for an answer. And when his suspicions are proven true by Mort's pitiful nod, he almost laughs. "Wow...thanks Mort. Really, I'm flattered, and you're a nice guy. But, I am married, I don't think Linda would really appreciate it."

"Of course I would!"

The two men almost jump at Linda's and the kids' presence. She's grin in from ear to ear as she belts out in song "My Bobby has a daaaaate!" Rushing towards the two, Linda places a hand on her husband's and Mort's shoulder. "Ooh I'm so excited! A dinner date is the best kind of date!"

Bob stares at his wife, completely lost as she rants on about getting her Bobby the best suit in town for the occasion, and from Mort's face, they were both on the same boat.

"Wait, wait, Linda." Bob finally stops her and gently takes her hand off of him. "Were you eavesdropping?"

"Come on dad," Louise scoffs, "when wouldn't mom eavesdrop?" Tina nods in agreement and adds "She loves to eavesdrop dad, remember? She eavesdropped on a 'surprise' party meeting that she already knew about!"

Shaking his head, Bob gets to the subject at hand. "Linda, you don't mind?"

"Mind? Why would I mind?" Linda asks, genuinely confused. "Go on the date with Mort, Bobby! You two will have lots of fun!"

Mort decides to speak up. "You really don't mind?" He's completely red in the face and Bob can almost see him getting ready to dash out the door in embarrassment.

But Linda is determined and nods. "You respect our marriage, so I know you're not going to do anything! Why not have a nice dinner date to share a milkshake with?"

The two men look at each other, unsure. Rolling her eyes, Linda adds "Come on! I think it's cute, kids, don't you think your dad going on a date is Mort is cute?"

"A mortician as a second father?!" Gene yells happily, "What more could I want?!" Louise and Tina express their approval, and before things start to get out of hand with the volume, Bob ends it once and for all. "Okay! Lin, you're really fine with it...?" At her nod, he shrugs and turns his attention back to Mort. "Okay! It's a date. Next Friday?"

Mort is nearly catatonic, but suddenly begins beaming and nods. "Yes! That's great!"

In the midst of the kids cheering about their 'new' father, and Linda's singing about burgers and death (strangely and surprisingly funny) Bob can hear his phone ring. He checks it and reads a text that Teddy sent him; in it, he thanks Bob for the get well burger, and apologizes that he was stuck in bed...dying, of course. Lastly, he tells Bob to be as nice as possible when Mort tells him.

Of course Teddy was in on it. Bob shakes his head and glances back at Mort, who's grinning as if he won the lottery, and listening to Linda's suggestions and advice.

And despite the pandemonium in his restaurant,

Bob can't help but smile too.


End file.
